


Yuuri vs. Yuri, or Yuri Plisetsky's Master Plan

by General_Jinjur_1914



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Anxiety, Banter, But so is everyone else, Character's Name Spelled as Viktor, Fluff, Hints of Otayuri, I maybe overdid it on the banter, IT'S SO FLUFFY, Japan, Katsuki Yuuri's Big Dick Energy, Kiki Challenge, M/M, My First Fanfic, Podium Family, Post-Canon, Protective Yuri Plisetsky, References to Sex, Sex, Social Media, Twerking, Victor Nikiforov is Extra, Yuri Plisetsky is a Brat, backbone! yuuri katsuki is my favorite yuuri, competitive yuri plisetsky, sparkly red boots, the foot fetish is canon, viktuuri
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-20
Updated: 2019-01-28
Packaged: 2019-09-23 08:06:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17076542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/General_Jinjur_1914/pseuds/General_Jinjur_1914
Summary: It’s almost exactly a year to the day after Yuuri moves to St. Petersburg that Viktor finds him teaching Yuri how to twerk in the fitness room.





	1. Chapter 1

It’s almost exactly a year to the day after Yuuri moves to St. Petersburg that Viktor finds him teaching Yuri how to twerk in the fitness room.

It had been a tense morning. Viktor hadn’t slept well and found himself snapping. Georgi had gotten dumped again, three weeks before, which meant that everyone else was hitting the time where they were ready for him to move on and he was just getting started. Yakov had fought with Lilia the day before, because it had been a Tuesday. And Yuri was. . . Yuri.

And Yuuri. . . Yuuri responded to the moods of the people around him by downplaying his own needs and exhausting his emotional resources to try to comfort everyone around him. Viktor had been coaching Yuri, which allowed both of them to snipe at each other—Yuri openly, Viktor with his trademark passive aggressive cheer. Yakov had been working on jumps with Yuuri. And Viktor had looked over after a particularly satisfying and cathartic exchange with Yuri to see that his Yuuri was flubbing jumps again. His shoulders were set and tense, his mouth tight. And Viktor, who had really not slept well the night before (and not for good reasons like sex, but because of bad reasons like a sick dog) had felt his headache throb back to life as he tried to figure out how he could intercede.

“I’m done,” Yuri said, skating away from Viktor as though they didn’t have thirty minutes left. “I’m going to the weight room. Oi! Katsudon! Are you actually getting worse the more you practice? Get off the ice before you make it cry.” And Viktor, ashamed to find himself a little relieved, had let Yuri pull Yuuri off to the weight room for cross-training. Forty minutes later, he had skated his headache away, and gone to find his Yuuri.

 

“Not like that. Don’t start with your, um, behind,” Viktor hears Yuuri saying as he comes around the corner, and surprise makes him stop and wait outside the door rather than announce himself. He had thought that Yuuri was lifting weights, but when he peeks his head around the corner Yuuri and Yuri are both bent over with their hands on their knees and their butts stuck out, and the pure bolt of surprise and affection that hits Viktor keeps him silent for a minute, just long enough for him to realize that staying silent is the best choice here. Staying silent, and getting all of this recorded for posterity.

“Start with your lower back—that’s what moves your ass. Almost like a little cat/cow stretch right at the small of your back. Yeah, like that. Think belly dancing.” The music in the background isn’t anything Viktor has heard before—one of Mila’s playlists, maybe, light on melody, heavy on thumping bass.

“Belly dancing?” Yurio scoffs. “Gross.”

“Belly dancing,” Yuuri says firmly, standing up, rolling up his shirt and securing it with an ease of practice that raises Viktor’s eyebrows. A few inches of his taut stomach now show above his low-slung joggers, and he begins to do something with the muscles of his stomach that sends a ripple down to his hips, which tick up and down faster than Viktor can keep track of, so fast he’s not quite sure of the mechanism. But Yuuri is.

If there’s one true and obvious thing about Yuri Plisetsky, it’s that he never backs down from a challenge, and he’s in there trying to mimic what Yuuri is doing. He’s not bad at it, for someone who seemingly just figured out that there are ways to dance that are not ballet. But if there’s one true and not obvious thing about Katsuki Yuuri, it’s that he’s not that different. He only backs down from a challenge when he has time to overthink it. And he likes to win. So when he catches Viktor’s eye in the mirror, he doesn’t do what Viktor expects, which is to blush and stop. Instead, keeping that eye contact, he puts his hands on the floor and twerks again for a minute, before sliding bonelessly up to his knees. He drops into splits, then back up to his knees, and again, working his way across the floor to where Viktor stands, not even trying to hide anymore, still recording this. Yuuri is below him, knees bent, back arched back, hips flexing, a bead of sweat running down his neck, and then he turns, rises, and dances again, looking back over his shoulder at Viktor.

Viktor is about thirty seconds away from death. Big or little, he’s not quite sure.

And then Yuuri laughs, obviously delighted with the look on Viktor’s face, and twirls to a stop with a blown kiss, and Viktor breathes for the first time in minutes and lowers his phone. 

Yuri is still watching, and mutters “gross, gross,”, but Yuuri is only looking at Viktor. He holds out a hand, and Viktor grabs it, and pulls him in.

 

Later, much later, he posts the video while Yuuri sleeps next to him. It’s not just that he’s proud. It’s not just that Yuuri is the hottest thing he’s ever seen, even with a teenaged punk in the background. It’s not that he hadn’t seen Katsuki Yuuri move before, because he’s seen Yuuri move in ways that render him speechless even when he thinks back on them weeks later. It’s something about the way that Yuuri caught his eye and kept dancing. It’s something about the way that Yuuri has settled into his own body, and the way that he has settled into Viktor’s, as well.

If there is one true and secret thing about Viktor, it’s that he has never felt anything like this before, nothing this complete and overwhelming and so strong he can feel his emotions painted throughout his body in hot licks of color. He feels like he used to be soup and now he is curry. He laughs at the clumsiness of the sentiment even as he thinks it, but it’s exactly how he feels. He feels a sudden stab of empathy for Yurio, awkwardly jerking his hips back and forth; he, too, feels like he is learning to move in ways he had never before known were possible.

He captions the video “Yuri vs. Yuuri,” but only after deleting forty-five different potential titles making reference to Yuuri’s Eros (though he slides in a few as hashtags). The video is. . . extremely popular. Forty-five minutes after it goes up, Phichit posts a response: Yuuri, a few years younger, dancing in what Viktor finds out is a dance battle (which. . . is a thing? A thing that requires a lot of gymnastics). “#Myboycandance, Phichit tags it. And then, a few hours later, Yuuko gets in on it too (or maybe it’s her children on her behalf). Yuuri, fifteen or sixteen, breakdancing on the ground in front of a closed shop, one arm down and the rest of his body in the air above him. #japansace. And, beating them all, Katsuki Mari posts the last video. Yuuri, age twelve, dancing in a ballet recital.

Chris, of course, puts up a video of himself twerking. He’s obviously had a lot of practice.

v-nikiforov: [video] Yuuri vs. Yuri. #yuurivsyuri #katsudonfatale #eros #mylovewins #katsukiyuuricangetit #fiance #luckiestmanalive #vikturri  
battleaxel: I just died  
viktorsangel: OH HELL YEAH HE CAN GET IT  
yuuristan: @battleaxel i just came  
hereforcheese: omfg at 1:32  
hurdleXX: I want to be that sweat  
ringoDon @hurdleXX fuck that I want to be viktor  
phichit+chu: @v-nikiforov [video] Did I ever tell you that Yuuri used to fill in for a friend on a breakdancing team in college? #katsukiyuurihasalwaysbeenabletogetit #teamyuuri #myboycandance #theboycanthelpit  
yuukox3: @phichit+chu @v-nikiforov did I ever tell you both that Yuuri was a b-boy in high school?  
katsu-mari: @yuukox3 @phichit+chu @v-nikiforov did I ever tell you all that yuuri has always been on point? #enpointe #teamkatsuki

Chris pops up in Viktor’s DMs.

Chrism: Two years ago Yuuri blushed if I looked at him. A year of riding your dick has done wonders for that boy.  
Vicchan: . . .  
Chrism: your dick must be magic.  
Vicchan: . . .  
Chrism: I’m changing your name in my contacts to VikNiksMagicStik.  
VikNiksMagicStik: I will say this once and only once  
VikNiksMagicStik: it’s not -my- dick that’s magical  
Chrism: can it be. . . ? ( ͡◉ ͜ʖ ͡◉)  
VikNiksMagicStik: ʸ(ᴖ́◡ु⚈᷉)♡⃛  
Chrism: KATSUDONG CONFIRMED.  
VikNikMagicStik ah who am I even fooling I’d say it every five minutes for the rest of my life


	2. Chapter 2

If there’s one true thing about Yuri Plisetsky, it’s that he will put in the work to get what he wants. He lets the idea build in his head as they skate through Worlds, watches YouTube videos when he can, and sends Otabek Altin a request that makes him blush even as he types it. It’s a few weeks later when an email pops up for him, subject line: “Ice Tiger Style.” At first he thinks it’s a JJ reference and Beka is trolling him, until he starts the song and hears someone hiss “tiger style.”

The first time Lilia catches him trying to spin on his head she nearly rips it off. “You are risking your career and future for what? A thirty second video clip on the internet?” Later, sulking in his room, he can admit that she’s right. Skating is and has to be his first priority. But he wants to win at everything. The next morning, Lilia hands him a slip of paper with an address on it. He stares at it.

“If you want to expand your dance repertoire, you will start here,” she says. “Be there at 2:15. Don’t be late.” Surprised, he takes the paper without comment. “There’s only one condition,” she warns him. “Don’t even suggest that you ever skate an exhibition skate to anything called,” and she sniffs, enunciating each word so that it drops from her mouth with diamond precision, “Wu-Tang Clan Ain’t Nothing to Fuck With.”

She knows him too well. He promises, but keeps his fingers crossed inside his pocket. He figures she knows that too.

The Master Plan is a long-term plan, and he has groundwork to lay.

The next day he’s at Viktor’s apartment, helping Katsudon cook. He squats to retrieve a pan and hisses in surprise as his body protests the move. Yuuri looks over, curious. “Bruise?” he asks.

“Just sore muscle,” Yuri says, standing back up. He already knows that Katsudon can do squats all day. Literally. Yuuri did squats periodically throughout the day. Watching tv? Squats. Brushing his teeth? Squats. They had roomed together once at a competition that Viktor couldn’t make, and Yuri had found the whole process incredibly annoying because Yuuri was bobbing up and down like a cheap toy. For a minute Yuri contemplates a best butt contest, but, well, that’s one Yuri vs. Yuuri contest I would lose, he admits to himself, eyeing Yuuri’s butt. He needed to keep this whole thing going, but it had to be something he has a fair shot at winning.

Yuuri is cutting up vegetables for the stir fry that they’re making, and that gives Yuri an idea. He grabs a knife and pitches in. 

Later that night, Yuuri’s phone starts to light up as he’s about to go to sleep. He opens it and frowns. He’s been tagged in a series of posts.

yuri-plisetsky: [picture of chopped vegetables] me on the right, @katsuki-yuuri on the left. I win at knife skills. And in knife shoes. #yuurivsyuri #onepointforyuri

“I’m not biting, Yurio,” Yuuri mutters to himself as he cleans up the kitchen. "But you'd lose a cleaning contest."

yuri-plisetsky: [picture of Yuri on Viktor’s couch, scowling at a tastefully bland throw pillow, next to a picture of Yuuri with his head on his own leopard print pillow] I win at interior décor too @katsuki-yuuri #yuurivsyuri #onepointforyuri

“I didn’t pick the fucking pillow, Yurio, and I don’t care,” Yuuri says to no one as he clips on Makkachin’s leash.

yuri-plisetsky: [picture of Yuri in front of Yuuri’s open refrigerator, making an awful face at a container of small brown lumps] @katsuki-yuuri wtf is this shit? #natto #thissmellsworsethanliterallyanythingelseever #iwinatfood #myprizeisnoteatingthisshit #onepointforyuri

“Natto is delicious, you idiot white boy.” Viktor looks mildly confused. And slightly insulted.

yuri-plisetsky: [picture of Vicchan next to picture of Potya] @katsuki-yuuri named his dog after @v-nikiforov. My cat’s name is Puma Tiger Scorpion. #iwinatnames #yuurivsyuri #onepointforyuri

Oh no he didn’t. “Chi. Gau. Yo.” Yuuri grits. Viktor looks up from his pillow.

“What was that, love?”

“He has gone Too Far. You started this,” Yuuri mutters as he types. “Yuuri vs. Yuri? Really? Do you have any idea how competitive our smol angry son is? I caught him trying to take a picture of me brushing my teeth!” He turns and looks at Viktor, then raises his phone. “Stay there. Look blissed.” He fluffs the pillow. “Stop laughing!” He dives under the cover, and Viktor’s laugh chokes off as Yuuri’s tongue finds its target. And lingers.

“Yuuri. . ..”

Yuuri pops back up and looks at Viktor’s face. “That’s better. Hold that pose.” He snaps a picture, then lies down with Viktor and takes another picture of the two of them together, in full Eros mode.

“Yuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuri.”

Yuuri mashes his phone frantically.

“Please tell me you’re not starting a rimming contest with Yurio.”

Yuuri doesn’t even bother to dignify that with a response.

“You’ve got thirty seconds to finish that before you come finish what you just started here.”

“I only need ten.”

katsuki-yuuri: @yuri-piletsky I named my dog after Viktor Nikiforov ten years ago, and now I have Viktor Nikiforov in my bed every night. I don’t see your puma tiger or scorpion. #yuurivsyuri #ohhellno #nicetrythough #butnotniceenough #tenpointsforyuuri

Ninety minutes, and nine thousand likes later, Viktor posts.

v-nikiforov [photo of Yuuri looking up from under heavy-lidded eyes] just a tip: don’t challenge him to a stamina contest. #yuurivsyuri #didimentionthatimtheluckiestmanever?

christophe: just the tip huh? Doesn't look like it from that photo! #hefoundhiseros

The next day Yuuri tracks Yuri down in warm ups. “Ground rules,” he says without introduction, sliding down to the floor beside the younger man. “If you think it’s private, ask first. If it would get either of us arrested in any country that we might be in in the next two years, don’t do it.”

Yuri sinks into a stretch, pressing his face into the floor between his outstretched legs, and mutters something.

“What was that?” Yuuri asks.

Yuri lifts his face just enough, and it looks red and pinched. “SorryifImadeajokeaboutyourdeaddog,” he says, very quickly and quietly. “Beka pointed out. . . I didn’t think that it might upset you.”  
Yuuri is surprised, both by the apology and the realization that it might be appropriate. “It didn’t. It’s fine. It’s—it doesn’t make me as sad anymore. Thanks for thinking of it, though.”

“You did win that one,” Yuri admits. “But I bet I could beat you at stretching.”

yuri-plisetsky: [photo of Yuri with the heel of one foot resting on the top of his head] @katsuki-yuuri betcha can’t do this #yuurivsyuri

v-nikiforov: @ yuri-plisetsky. . . you might not want to make that bet.

yuri-plisetsky @v-nikiforov DO YOU HAVE TO MAKE EVERYTHING SEXUAL

v-nikiforov @yuri-plisetsky IT’S NOT MY FAULT YUURI MAKES EVERYTHING SEXY

Yuri turns back to Yuuri and huffs, showing him the tweets. “Ground rules, continued,” he says. “You have got to find a way to make Viktor stop being so fucking extra.”

“I can’t believe he’s awake already,” Yuuri says sweetly in the way he knows drives Yurio crazy. “I thought I wore him out last night.”

“Grooooooooossssssssss.”

 

The ground rule that they don’t speak about, that they don’t have to because it goes without saying, is that there’s no Yuuri vs. Yuri on the ice. That’s something different, something that can’t be reduced to a hashtag. And, Yuuri thinks as he takes the gold in the GPF that year, it’s something that isn’t true. Yuuri on the ice isn’t Yuuri vs. Yuri, or Yuuri vs. Viktor, who is beaming in silver and has announced his plans to retire after Worlds. Yuuri on the ice is Yuuri versus himself, every time. It’s the people he has off the ice, whose love he brings with him to the ice, who make it possible for him to ever prevail against himself. To even think he has a chance. 

At the banquet after the GPF Phichit literally bows down in front of Yuri, who turns red and curses at him to get up and stop embarrassing them both. Phichit scrambles to his feet. “Do you know how long I’ve been trying to get Yuuri to use the internet?” he asks. “You’ve taken him from two posts ever to posting twice a week! He even admitted that he’s dating Viktor!”

“How do I get him to stop admitting that he’s dating Viktor?”

“I’m serious!” Phichit says. “Yuuri has been on dates before. But he has never posted a picture of anyone else before. Like he thinks they’ll be embarrassed by him.”

Yuri’s eyes seek out Yuuri. “It’s obvious that Viktor is the embarrassing one in that relationship.” They both watch as Viktor picks Yuuri up and twirls him around.

“He’s not even drunk,” Phichit marvels as Yuuri presses a light kiss to Viktor’s lips.

“I’m not drunk enough,” Yuri says, and stomps off to change that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I literally wrote this whole fanfic because I heard the Wu Tang song "Wu Tang Clan Ain't Nothing to Fuck With" and when they said "tiger style" I said "YURI PLISETSKY WOULD LOVE THIS SONG."


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note that both dances linked are NSFW. The song lyrics are NSFW x 1000 and will be offensive to many people; the hashtags give a hint as to the content. I'm referencing the first dancers in each video (approx the first 90 seconds). No other links are NSFW. There is no attempt in this story at having a coherent timeline.

Over the next few months, Yuuri gets used to random challenges popping up from Yuri. There’s the time Yuri corners him at the rink and makes him arm wrestle (point: Yuuri). There’s the time Yuri corners him at home and makes him put on a fashion show. (point: Yuri, who somehow manages to pull off three cat prints at one time). They find out that Yuri wins shorter races but Yuuri can run longer; that Yuuri can jump rope for longer but Yuri can jump farther; that Yuri will win at Mario Kart, Fortnite, and, to everyone’s surprise, pub trivia (“Oi, Katsudon, how can you never have heard of Galvani? He electrocuted frogs and called it science, which is both badass and disgusting”), that Yuuri cannot be beat at Name that Song, but can’t carry a tune. Yuuri knows more Russian words than Yuri does Japanese; Yuri knows more Japanese curse words than Yuuri does Russian. Yuri uploads a short and fairly basic tap routine; Yuuri tops it with what Yuri refers to as “some crazy Fred Astaire shit.” 

Yuri borrows Evgenia Medvedeva’s Sailor Moon costume and puts his hair into meatballs with the hashtag #actualblonde; Yuuri laughs his ass off and then takes a picture of himself as Edward Elric from Full Metal Alchemist with the hashtag #actualasian. Yuri posts a video of himself squatting next to Yuuri and slowly dancing up to his full height, making it obvious that he’s now the taller of the two. Yuuri responds with a picture of himself lifting Yuri, making it obvious that he’s still the stronger. Yuri dances to Nicki Minaj’s ["Barbie Tingz"](%E2%80%9C) (#imabadbitch); Yuuri responds with a dance to Anaconda and breaks the internet. (#hesgotabigfatass trends for twenty-four hours). Viktor literally passes out for the first time in his life. On the phone with Chris later, Viktor cries because of how beautiful it all is and because he hadn’t known he had any sexual awakenings left to have. Chris cannot stop laughing. 

They’re in Japan, with a day off between a shoot for Yuuri’s Shiseido ad campaign and a taping of a talk show when Yuri makes his next move. Viktor and Yuuri sleep in. They fuck. They shower. They talk about how they want to have a quiet, relaxing day, full of cuddles. Yuuri idly picks up his phone to see why he has quite so many notifications.

yuri-plisetsky: [photo of Yuri doing the splits in front of the Kremlin] #yuurivsyuri #mybeautifulRussia  
yuri-plisetsky: [photo of Yuri doing an arabesque in front of St. Basil’s] #yuurivsyuri #Russiawins  
yuri-plisetsky: [video of Yuri on a boat floating in front of the Hermitage, executing a flawless jete] #yuurivsyuri #Russiaforever  
yuri-plisetsky: [video of Yuri chasseing down the center of Mayakovskaya metro station as trains rush by on each side. #yuurivsyuri #Russiaalwayswins  
Dingleh0pper: RUSSIA FOREVER  
FarmGrrl: in post-soviet Russia tag hashes you

Twenty minutes later Viktor finds himself holding an overnight bag and boarding a shinkansen out of Tokyo.  
Katsuki-yuuri: [video: Yuuri dancing up and down the torii-lined steps at  Fushimi Inari.] #yuurivsyuri #japan  
Katsuki-yuuri: [picture: Yuuri in a boat in front of Kinkaku-ji] #yuurivsyuri #japan  
Katsuki-yuuri: [picture: Yuuri in a conbini with his arms full of food, holding up a fruit sandwich in one hand and a perfectly shaped apple in a foam net in the other] #japan #everydayjapan  
Katsuki-yuuri: [photo: Yuuri and Viktor watching the sunrise from the top of Mt. Fuji] @v-nikiforov #yuurivsyuri #japan #landoftherisingsun #fujisan  
Katsuki-yuuri: [photo: Yuuri on a shinkansen with the world a blur in the background] #japan #everydayjapan  
Katsuki-yuuri: [video: Yuuri emerging from a tunnel to stand in front of a giant wooden Buddha] #nara #daibutsu  
Katsuki-yuuri: [video: Viktor standing still as a deer approaches him, then yelping and running away as the deer lunges for his pocket] @v-nikiforov #yuurivsyuri #japan #Russiayourwintersarenothingcomparedtoourdeer  
JingoTY: if I was a deer I’d try to get my mouth on Viktor’s dick too  
King-tonkatsu: I like how Yuuri doesn’t even bother to hashtag back. Just #japan. ‘nuff said.  
pichit+chu: TEN POINTS FOR YUURI #ravenpuff  
iluvJJ: this iz lame they should strip or sumthin

They’re ten minutes late to the studio in Tokyo; after quick makeup, Yuuri goes on the set.  
Viktor doesn’t follow the enter conversation, but it seems that the hosts are asking about their climb of Mt. Fuji that very morning. Yuuri laughs and turns to the camera directly. “Russia has been very welcoming to me, and I am grateful and very happy to be living there right now. I want everyone to know that Japan is the most beautiful country. We have so many beautiful places that I could not take a picture of each one in a single year, let alone a single day, and so many interesting and delicious foods. We have four beautiful seasons. If you have not been to Japan, please come and visit us. My hometown of Hasetsu is beautiful this time of year.” The Japan tourism board reaches out to him the same day with a very generous offer.

“Hey,” Viktor says later, “why did you say that about Japan having four seasons earlier?”  
“We have four seasons in Japan. Fall, winter, spring, summer.”  
“Don’t. . . most places have four seasons?”  
Yuuri rolls over and nuzzles into Viktor’s armpit. “Not like Japan. Our seasons are very distinct.”  
This explains absolutely nothing to Viktor.  
“And they’re important to us in a way that I think most places they aren’t. There is a very old Japanese story about a prince who kept four wives, and each lived in a wing of his palace that was like each season. But he loved the lady of spring the best. Our seasons are like four different women, but in Japan I think we love spring the best.” Yuuri nips at Viktor’s throat. “Tell me, Vitya, what would you do with four of me?”  
Viktor hisses as Yuuri’s hand trails down his stomach. “I’d be dead in a week.”  
v-nikoforov: [photo of Yuuri passed out and drooling] they call me #extra but this boy has been up for 34 hours dragging me all over Japan to take pictures #yuurivsyuri #luckiestmanofalltime  
katsuki-yuuri: @v-nikiforov you scheduled our flight back to Russia with a two-day layover in Seoul so that you can stock up on BB cream. #extra #thedefinitionofextra #myextratho

“You and Yuri, you’re both ridiculous,” Viktor tells Yuuri a few days later as they catch a train towards Fukuoka. He’s in the window seat, but all he can look at is Yuuri next to him.  
“You have your relationship with my family. I have my own relationship with yours,” Yuuri says, nibbling  his waffle  daintily. “I listen to Georgi talk about his love life, I lift weights with Mila, I take skating tips from Yakov, and I kick Yuri’s butt on a weekly basis. If not more often.”  
“And he likes it,” Viktor says, and his bewilderment must be evident in his voice, because Yuuri looks up and stops looking at his waffle like it’s the only thing in the world.  
“He likes it because I take him seriously,” Yuuri says. “Remember when I met him he was fifteen and forty-five kilos and everyone treated him like some sort of weirdly angelic little child. He had the emotional maturity of a ten year old, the body of a fifteen year old, and the skills of someone who’s been skating for a lot longer. He challenged you all the time and you basically patted him on the head and told him he was cute and would be really great someday.”  
Viktor frowned. “Do I do that?”  
Yuuri shrugged. “Not as much anymore.” They’re quiet for a few minutes; the train slides through Aichi. After a few minutes, Yuuri says “he needs to stop with the toothbrushing thing, though. I’m not letting him put a video of me flossing up online.” Viktor snorts. “But if he did,” Yuuri continues, “I would win.”  
“I love how competitive you are. And you are pretty good with those teeth.”  
“Me? Competitive?” Yuuri says. “Look at this video that Yuri posted again.” He brings up the Nicki Minaj dance on his phone and skips ahead to midway through the dance, where Yurio is squatting down dancing. “You see that? That’s not ballet. He must be taking lessons.” Viktor must flush, because Yuuri’s eyes sharpen. “Would you happen to know anything about that?”  
Viktor has continued to choreograph for Yuri. “I may have asked Lilia if she knew why he was getting better at step sequences.”  
“And?”  
“And she told me that she wasn’t going to tell me and risk me warning you.”  
“Warning me?”  
Viktor shrugs, laughing. “She mentioned some sort of nefarious Plan. This was six months ago, though, so he may have already forgotten.”  
Yuuri frowns. “No,” he says. “You’re not taking him seriously again. There’s something else coming.”  


What comes next is an earthquake. 

They’ve stopped for the night in Hiroshima; Yuuri takes Viktor to see the castle grounds by moonlight. “The castle was rebuilt after World War II,” he says, pulling Viktor along behind him. “Here. This.” They’re standing in front of a tree. “Hibakujomoku.”  
Viktor uses the light from his phone to read the plaque by the tree, which states the following facts: when the a-bomb hit Hiroshima, it flashed forty times hotter than the surface of the sun. The original castle, four centuries old and five stories tall and built for strength, was destroyed. This tree was not. In the spring it still blooms.  


That night he fucks Yuuri in their small hotel room, grateful that the futon is set directly on the tatami. There’s something more to it, and he didn’t think that there could be more. He is on his knees, Yuuri’s legs around his waist and Yuuri’s head back on the floor, arms braced against the wall, his eyes half open and fixed on Viktor’s face. Viktor draws a finger down Yuuri’s chest and around his navel, then sucks it into his own mouth. Yuuri gasps. Viktor wraps his hand around Yuuri’s cock.  
A few minutes later they shudder together and collapse in a sticky heap. It takes Viktor a minute to realize that the world has continued to shudder around him, the walls grinding around him, the floor trembling beneath him. “Yuuri,” he says, and Yuuri looks up at him with those just-fucked eyes and shrugs. “It’s an earthquake, Vitya,” he says, and the world stills at the sound of his voice. “You get used to them.”  


v-nikoforov: [photo of Yuuri in the morning sun] Last night I kissed him and the earth moved. 5.4 on the Richter scale. @katsuki-yuuri #victuuri  


It takes Viktor a while to figure out that Yuuri has not, in fact, taken the earthquake in stride. He notices right away that Yuuri does not look particularly relaxed the next morning, but it’s been a long few days. He notices that when he asks Yuuri what he wants for breakfast, or what he wants to do, Yuuri defers to him in a way he has not done in a while, as though expression of his own preferences is too much of an exposure for him. They take the ferry out to Miyajima and Viktor charms a visiting couple into taking his picture with Yuuri in front of the iconic floating torii, the bright orange-red shrine gate build into the water. A few other people gather around, and he hears them whisper Yuuri’s name. They come up and politely ask for autographs, selfies, a few minutes of Yuuri’s time. And Viktor, seeing the tense set of Yuuri’s shoulders, dials his charm up to eleven and does everything he can to distract these Japanese people from Japan’s ace, with mixed success. By the time he disentangles them, Yuuri is nearly silent; they walk around the island for a little bit and take an earlier ferry back. They’re on a shinkansen back to Fukuoka, and Yuuri, who usually relaxes on trains, is still tense, staring at the window. “We’re overdue,” he says, finally.  
“Overdue?”  
“For a big one,” Yuuri says. “They come every hundred years or so. Tokyo’s due to be leveled by an earthquake any time.”  
Viktor notices that Yuuri tenses when the train goes around a corner, when it shifts roughly. He angles away from people walking up and down the aisles. Viktor picks up Yuuri’s hand and kisses the ring on it. He thinks of Yuuri’s anxiety like it’s Makkachin’s retractable leash, and today it’s holding him close.  
“I’m not fun! Yuuri today,” Yuuri says with a tight grin.  
“You’re not different people, you know. You’re not four distinct women with four distinct seasons, and I’m not wishing that you were always spring. There’s not drunk! Yuuri and worried! Yuuri. There’s just my! Yuuri.” He links his hand with Yuuri’s. “Or do you think I’m someone totally different when I’m not hot! Vitya?” He gives it a minute; Yuuri’s mouth is twitching but he stays silent. “Obviously the correct response is that I’m always hot! Vitya.”  
“How is it I can hear the exclamation points when you talk?”  
“I’m a Living Legend, you know.”  
“Mmm,” is all Yuuri says, but he keeps his hand laced with Viktor’s. He turns back to the window. After a few seconds he exhales in a deep, hitching breath. His hand tightens on Viktor’s, then relaxes. He does not let go.  


Kokoro8711: [photo of Viktor kissing Yuuri’s ring] I SAW A COUPLE SO BEAUTIFUL I CRIED #viktuuri  


That night in the room in Yu-topia that used to be Yuuri’s and is now theirs, Yuuri is rubbing his feet against Viktor’s as they lie together on top of the bed, both tired but neither ready to say good night. Viktor is idly scrolling through Instagram on his phone; Yuuri is reading an actual physical book, something Viktor finds incredibly sexy every time. Yuuri is running his foot up and down Viktor’s lower leg, and Viktor lets his eyes drift shut a little bit so he can focus on nothing else but that.  
Abruptly Yuuri sits up, throwing the book down and grabbing his phone. “Shh,” he tells Viktor, and sits at the end of the bed, lining up their feet to alternate, so that Viktor’s right foot is sandwiched between Yuuri’s feet, and his feet sandwich Yuuri’s right foot in return. Viktor’s pale skin gleams against the dark blanket. His feet are longer and narrower than Yuuri’s, and his bones press up against his skin more each year. His big toe has a bruised nail bed and a few scrapes. Yuuri’s feet, which dance as well as skate, are even worse, with blisters and bandages. Viktor has put his phone down and is just watching Yuuri now as Yuuri types something into his phone. He taps it once, decisively, and hands it to Viktor.  
Viktor raises his head and looks at Yuuri. Yuuri’s eyes meet his, level. “Let’s get married,” Yuuri says. “In the spring.”  


Katsuki-yuuri: [photo of entwined feet] Neither of us has beautiful feet. Our feet have worked too hard to carry us to where we are. I am so grateful for these feet that have brought me to stand next to him, and for these feet of his that have brought him to meet me where I am. Every day when I put these feet down and pull myself up onto them, my pain is less because I know I will walk next to him. @v-nikiforov  
yuri-plisetsky: gross  
yuri-plisetsky: I mean get a fucking pedicure or something  
yuri-plisetsky: I’ll even fucking pay for it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Viktor had never heard of Nicki Minaj, so he googled her to find out what made Yuri like her. The first image search result was a woman dressed in a tiger print dress fighting with another woman on the red carpet. "Oh," he said. "I get it now." I know he likes different types of music in the show, but it is 100% my headcanon now that Yuri would love Nicki. (I really wanted to use this video here because I love the female dancer in it SO MUCH but it didn't fit as well: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K3TSbPFJ2ro)
> 
> Edit: the links aren't working and I can't fuck with them now, so here's Anaconda: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2JAoHlDNRUA and Barbie Tingz: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AKKpP2HqSUo
> 
> This ended up being a little bit of a nostalgic nod to Japan for me; hopefully it's not too self-indulgent. Every place mentioned is somewhere that I've been, every experience is one that I've had (though not in a single day, which would be really difficult if not impossible IRL), but it's been several years and any mistakes are my own and were made with tremendous fondness and good intentions. As for the seasons thing, I've had a number of Japanese people separately tell me about how Japan has seasons in a way that's distinct from and superior to everywhere else in the world, and I find it really endearing but also don't fully get it, so I tried to bring both elements of that in here. Fruit sandwiches are literally strawberries (and/or other fruit) on white bread with a light spread reminiscent of cool whip, and they're delicious. You can find them in conbinis in the spring only (because seasons).
> 
> There's also a gratuitous nod to the Genji Monogatari in this story. It's the world's oldest novel and a tremendously important work, but it's also really old and far less relevant to modern Japanese society than a great deal of more recent literature, and it's more common for Japanese people today to have seen the manga than to have read the novel (which is in classical Japanese and really fucking long). It has a weird place in my heart for various reasons. It's also tremendously fucked up by modern sensibilities. The lady of spring I briefly mention is kidnapped by the main character when she's around ten because she reminds him of his stepmother (whom he had an affair with, and who in turn greatly resembled the prince's dead mother) and raised to be his wife. If you're interested and want to read it in English, I'd recommend the Royall Tyler translation, though the Whaley translation should be free online and is a classic for a reason. I also recommend Liza Dalby's novel about the author, The Tale of Murasaki.
> 
> Haven't been to Russia, so I'll share the credit for any mistakes with Google.
> 
> And now I've written a long note that's primarily about Nicki Minaj, fruit sandwiches, and the Genji Monogatari, and that's pretty much my personality in a nutshell.


	4. Yu(u)ris!!! on Line.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri and Yuri try out YouTube challenges. For charity.
> 
> “So I just put on 100 shirts at the same time?”  
> “Yes. Whoever gets on more shirts wins.”  
> “Wait, what do those shirts say?”  
> “I. Love. Yuuri. More. Than. Life—”  
> “Did you get Viktor to supply the shirts?”  
> “He’s the only person I know who owns 200 shirts!”  
> “You thought Viktor Nikiforov was going to let you try on one hundred of, what, his $600 Tom Ford shirts?”  
> “I wear his shirts all the time!”  
> “Overshare, Yuuri.”  
> “. . . a shirt can cost $600?”  
> “Yeah?”  
> “That’s ridiculous.”  
> “That’s Viktor.”  
> “I think he just signed up for a very large—”  
> “GROSS.”  
> “DONATION TO THESE CHARITIES. Get your mind out of the gutter!”

“I’m Katsuki Yuuri, and this is the Yuuri vs. Yuri challenge. I’m here live with Yuri Plisetsky at a gym, and we’re here to see who can raise the most money. As we compete please vote for your favorite Yuuri. We have some challenges already completed, but we will also be competing right here in real time. To vote for me, you can make a donation to Ice for All, which helps people with disabilities become skaters.”  
“Or you can vote for me, because I am the best Yuri, and support the Russian Big Cat Rescue.”  
“Here’s how this works. You send in challenges, and we will compete with each other. There are limitations, though, of course.”  
“Nothing sexual, because Katsudon’s, like, my dad.”  
“Not literally, because I did not have a child at age eight. And also no sexual content because Yuri’s 17, which is underage in a lot of the world, so don’t even bother asking. I’m taken, and he’s—”  
“Hoping to be taken. That came out wrong. Shut up, Katsu. And to everyone out there, no dick pics, either. You’re just embarrassing yourself. I’ve seen better.”  
“Moving on, we also won’t do anything that could hurt us or jeopardize our actual careers as figure skaters.”  
“And that includes eating any shit that throws off my macros, so there will be no mukbang or tasting challenges. Also Yuuri lived in the States for like five years so he can eat a lot of shitty food and there’s no way I’d win that one. Don’t @ me, America. You know what you’ve done.”  
“And we will not do the cinnamon challenge. I did that once in college and once was enough.”  
“. . . hey, Phichit just posted a video of you doing the cinnamon challenge.”  
“HE DID WHAT?”  
. . .  
“Ultimately, your donations will decide the winner of this contest. There are links below to donate, or you can name us in a regular donation to each organization. Then comment that you’ve donated and use our hashtag, and we will take some of your challenges. Honor system, but I’ve been a broke student and if you’re not able to give today it’s ok to send in a challenge anyway.”  
“But the point here today is to raise some money. People fucking suck and cats need your help, so send some money our way. Even a few dollars really helps.”  
“And as a belated warning, there will probably be cursing.”  
“There will definitely be cursing. And, at the end of this stream, I have a surprise for you.”  
“. . . you do?”  
“I do.”  
“What kind of surprise?”  
“If I told you, Katsudon, it wouldn’t be a surprise, but it is the kind of surprise where I kick your ass.”  
“Our first face off: MasterBlaster944 wants us to do a pull up challenge.”  
“So we will be back with that in just a minute, but first here’s a video of us driving actual fucking Grand Prix race cars. Did I mention that I don’t even have my driver’s license?”  
. . .  
“We have Mila Babicheva, world record holder for women’s free skate, here with us for the next part of the challenge. Mila has a number of boxes. We will stick out hands into the boxes and guess what’s inside. Katsu, this is fucking creepy. Why are we doing this?”  
“For the tigers.”  
“THAT DOESN'T MAKE ME FEEL BETTER! Just tell me there’s nothing alive in the boxes. Like tigers.”  
“I don’t know what’s in them either. I left this all to Mila.”  
“. . . we’re doomed. I’d like to say goodbye to my hands and whatever other body parts I’m about to lose here today. Everyone, just pray to god I stay pretty.”  
. . .  
“If you’re just joining us, I’m Katsuki Yuuri, and I’m upside down because we’re seeing who can hold a handstand the longest.”  
“And as soon as you fall over any second now, we’ll be doing each other’s makeup, and I will win that contest hands down. I’m going to make Katsu look so pretty you won’t believe it.”  
“So you’re saying I’m prettier?”  
“Only after I slap a shit ton of makeup on your face.”  
“. . .are you doing splits upside down?”  
“I can do this all fucking day. You may as well admit defeat now.”  
. . .  
“MsGray6969 wants us to write poetry, Yura.”  
“And that’s a hell no.”  
“. . . oh, about bondage.”  
“I mean, I guess if it’s for charity.”  
. . .  
“We’re going to call this one chubby piggy.”  
“I thought you said no sugar?”  
“You stuff your mouth full of marshmallows and say “chubby piggy,” but you spit it out at the end. I know you’re not used to that.”  
“I thought you said nothing sexual!”  
“What?”  
“. . . “  
“I DIDN’T MEAN IT LIKE THAT, PIGGY!”  
“. . . “  
“I CAN SEE YOU SMIRKING OVER THERE, VIKTOR, AND I’D LIKE TO REMIND YOU THAT THERE ARE CHILDREN PRESENT!”  
. . .  
“We did the falling stars challenge. Those pictures should be going up right about now, so please check those out.”  
“We’re about to look at each other’s for the first time.”  
[Photo: Yuuri sprawled out as if he fell down stairs, surrounded by items posed as if they fell out of his bag: a pair of ice skates, a pot of Chanel lip gloss, a stuffed onigiri, etc.]  
“That’s. . . totally boring. I can’t believe Viktor let you get away with that. I can’t believe -Phichit- let you get away with that.”  
“Let’s see yours then.”  
[Photo: Yuri stretched out on the ground as if he fell, surrounded by. . . cats. Who are also stretched out on the ground as if they fell.]  
“I thought it had to be things!”  
“That was not specified.”  
“I thought it was supposed to be things that you actually walk around with?”  
“No, not at all. And who says I don’t walk around with seven cats, anyway?”  
“Does Potya know you’re cheating on her?”  
“She was actually really mad when I came back.”  
“I take it back. Don’t go there.”  
“She could smell it on me.”  
“I said I take it back!”  
“All that strange pussy.”  
“There are children present!”  
“I know. I’m the children.”  
“And also--"  
“No. Now you don’t say it.”  
“You didn’t listen when I told you not to.”  
“You’re smarter than I am!”  
“Keep going with the flattery.”  
“You’re too good for a pussy joke.”  
“You’re right, Yura, I am.”  
“Thank you.”  
“However.”  
“. . . what?”  
“Phichit isn’t.”  
Photo: [Yuri’s falling stars picture. On top of each cat has been photoshopped a rooster.]  
“That looks more like you in your preferred environment!”  
“Viktor has rubbed off on you way too much, Katsu.”  
“. . . rubbed off on.”  
“What—no. No. No.”  
“. . . “ /grin.  
“I’m just going to stop talking now.”  
. . .  
“We’ve both made videos to the Kiki challenge, hashtag inmyfeelings, which should be posting right about now. Please take a look as we watch each other’s for the first time.”  
[Video: Yuri riding on the back of Otabek’s motorcycle as it speeds down a mostly empty highway. He stands up as the music plays, and begins making the heart motion, and continues with the Kiki dance.]  
“I don’t know how you talked Otabek into this.”  
“I like how you think I’m the one who had to talk him into this.”  
“Hn.”  
“Wait, why do you not look surprised?”  
“You’re so predictable sometimes, Yura.”  
“Me dancing on the back of a motorcycle is predictable?”  
“It actually is.”  
“I’ll bet you $10 yours has you on roller skates.”  
“You're going to lose that bet.”  
[Video: Katsuki Yuuri in a helmet and skintight suit, riding in the passenger seat of a car. As the song stars playing. Suddenly it cuts to Yuuri skydiving, and he starts the Kiki moves before opening a parachute.]  
“Are you fucking with me, Katsudon? We agreed nothing that could injure us. How is that not dangerous?”  
“You rode on the back of a motorcycle.”  
“Our coaches are going to kill us.”  
“My coach filmed mine.”  
“You guys are the absolute worst.”  
“You can pay up with a donation to my charity.”  
. . .  
“A foot-off?”  
“Yeah, because of your foot fetish post that went viral because it was so gross.”  
“What’s a foot-off though?”  
“I think they mean compare which of us has worse feet right now?”  
“Like, blister vs. blister?”  
“Yeah. How many toenails are you missing today?”  
“Two and a half.”  
“Ha, I’m missing three!”  
“I have more blisters, though, Yura.”  
"This is the first contest I don't want to win."  
“This next person wants us to do a dance off in heels.”  
["It's on."](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iStoGoEfOOQ)

. . .  
“The Kylie Jenner lip challenge? Didn’t we already do makeup and who is Kylie Jenner?”  
“We did do makeup. I clearly won. Didn’t you live in the U.S.? How do you not know who Kylie Jenner is?”  
“I spent most of my time skating. . .”  
“She’s a Kardashian.”  
“. . . a what?”  
“Anyway, it’s not makeup. You put your mouth in a shot glass and try to get your lips all puffy. The puffiest lips win.”  
“But why?”  
“So you look like Kylie Jenner!”  
“. . . who?”  
. . .  
“I do a Japanese accent and you do a Russian one.”  
“This sounds like a really bad idea, Yura.”  
“Why, because I’ll win?”  
“No, because—let’s skip this one. There’s almost no way for a white boy to do an Asian accent and not be offensive. And you're pretty white.”  
“But you could do a Russian one?”  
“No, but. . . just trust me on this before the comments get nasty.”  
“You’re just afraid.”  
“I concede without argument. Just please don’t.”  
“Okay, okay.”  
“. . . Moose and squirrel. And that’s all I’m going to say.”  
. . .  
“This person wants us to floss our teeth.”  
“. . .Yura, did you put Viktor up to this?”  
“. . . no?”  
. . .  
“We have this giant bathtub full of ice, and the point is to see who can stay in longer.”  
“Couldn’t we do hot water?”  
“Didn’t you basically grow up in a bathtub?”  
“. . . I guess that’s one way to put it.”  
“I need to ice my leg anyway.”  
“This is really cold.”  
“THIS IS REALLY FUCKING COLD.”  
“This was a terrible idea.”  
“WHY DID YOU LET ME PICK THIS ONE?”  
“Wait, people in the comments are misunderstanding. This is not a wet t-shirt contest.”  
“But if it was, I'd win.”  
. . .  
“THE FLOOR IS LAVA.”  
. . .  
“The chapstick challenge?”  
“Ugh, my lips still hurt from the shot glass.”  
“That’s all on you, Yura.”  
“So what’s the chapstick challenge?”  
“. . . eh. You’re supposed to kiss someone and guess what flavor chapstick they have on. Not doing it, guys.”  
“There will be no Yuuri plus Yuri. Ever.”  
“I guess I could get Viktor to help. . ..”  
“I’M NOT KISSING VIKTOR!”  
“I MEANT FOR ME. We should have asked Bek—”  
“SHUT IT KATSU.”  
. . .  
“So I just put on 100 shirts at the same time?”  
“Yes. Whoever gets on more shirts wins.”  
“Why does each shirt have a single word on it?”  
“I. Love. Yuuri. More. Than. Life—”  
“Katsu, did you get Viktor to supply the shirts?”  
“He’s the only person I know who owns 200 shirts!”  
“You thought Viktor Nikiforov was going to let you try on one hundred of, what, his $600 Tom Ford shirts?”  
“I wear his shirts all the time!”  
“Overshare, Yuuri.”  
“. . . a shirt can cost $600?”  
“Yeah?”  
“That’s ridiculous.”  
“That’s Viktor.”  
“I think he just signed up for a very large—”  
“GROSS.”  
“DONATION TO THESE CHARITIES. Get your mind out of the gutter!”  
. . .  
“Together we’ve raised a lot of money! Keep it coming in—we’ll declare a winner at midnight tonight, St. Petersburg time. Thank you all so much for spending this time with us!”  
“And I just dropped one last challenge in which I will kick Yuuri’s ass -yet again.- Check my channel for a video labeled Tiger Style--O. Altin remix.“  
“Are you going to win so much you get tired of winning?”  
“. . . is that a Trump reference? Because you automatically lose a million points for that. AMERICA. You know what you did.”  
“Says the Russian.”  
“Watch it and weep, Katsudon.”

Phichit+chu: I’m really not too good for a pussy joke. #theboyknowsmewell #yuurivsyuri  
Bikinijones: Things we’ve learned today: Katsuki Yuuri swallows. #yuurivsyuri #victuuri #iwillgodownwiththisship  
Phichit+chu: @bikinijones [video clip of Yuuri spitting cinnamon everywhere] you sure about that? #cinnamonchallenge #sinnamonroll @katsuki-yuuri #yuurivsyuri  
madMarkLL: things weve learned today: Yuri Plisetsky is HELLA flexible #yuurivsyuri #imthirsty  
BB8fetish: . . . is yuuri teasing yuri about kissing. . . otabek? #please #pleaseplease #pleasepleaseplease #yuurivsyuri #otayuri  
Pichit+chu: Is that Katsuki “flying makes me nervous” Yuuri . . . SKYDIVING????????????????  
Christophe: Yuuuuuuri WHERE DID YOU GET THOSE SPARKLY RED HEELS???????????  
v-nikiforov: @christophe the question isn’t where he got them; it’s where he’s going to wear them later #viktuuri #yuurivsyuri  
Christophe: @v-nikiforov skype me later  
v-nikoforov: @christophe if I’m not too busy 😊 😊 😊 😊😊 #iknowivenevermentioneditbeforebutimtheluckiestmanalive  
tsundereFo_x: yuuri and yuri are my new #broTP #yuurivsyuri #sorryphichit  
sheith4eva: @katsuki-yuuri has been hanging from various things in this room for seven minutes because #thefloorislava and its one of the hottest things ive ever seen #thatboysarms  
ty88IIIIndot: @katsuki-yuuri but what did the 100 shirts say? #yuurivsyuri  
roundabout: @ ty88IIIIndot I can guess that @katsuki-yuuri’s were sweet but what did @yuri-plisetsky’s say??????? #yuurivsyuri  
ty88IIIIndot: @roundabout have you met @v-nikiforov? I give it ten shirts tops before it gets dirty  
roundabout: @ ty88IIIIndot I WISH. If I met @v-nikiforov it would only take one shirt before it got dirty—mine on the floor #yuurivsyuri #butviktorsstillthehottest  
ganjaburn: I would donate like $6 bazillion dollars to watch them make out #chapstickchallenge #yuurivsyuri #please #itsforcharity  
undiscoveredBABY: tag yourself I’m @yuuri-katsuki’s face when he says “a shirt costs $600?????” #yuurivsyuri  
jingleJJalltheway: @undiscoveredBABY I’m one of the cocks around @yuri-plisetsky #yuurivsyuri  
tswiddle: @jingleJJalltheway @undiscoveredBABY I’m @yuri-plisetsky when he screams “there are children present” . . . and then drops a sexual innuendo #yuurivsyuri  
jingleJJalltheway: @tswiddle you had me at @yuri-plisetsky screaming #yuurivsyuri #usurenodickpixs?  
Tswiddle: @jingleJJalltheway your that oozing blister on yuris foot and I’m viktor’s face when he saw it  
BAKAhime: @tswiddle: Viktor bandaging Yuuri’s foot though #myovariesexploded #relationshipgoals #yuurivsyuri #viktuuri

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All dialogue. I went back and added names to try to keep things clear, but point out any place it gets confusing and I'll update it.


	5. Oppan JJ Style

yuri-plisetsky: @katsuki-yuuri [video of Yuri Plisetsky dancing to “Tiger Style,” the O. Altin remix of Wu Tang Clan’s “Wu Tang Clan Ain’t Nuthing to Fuck With.” With costumes. And choreography. And a flash mob.]. #yuurivsyuri #gameon

Yuri Plisetsky realized early on that he simply _felt_ more than other people.

Classmates would run past a tree being cut down. Yuri would stop and mourn. Other children would have friendships. Yuri would tremble with the strength of his love for his friends. His friends laughed at jokes. Sometimes he would laugh so hard he would have to lie down on the floor and wait for the laughter to pass. Other children might read a book. He would become interested in something and read fifteen, learning every possible thing about that subject. Other children would get angry. Yuri could nurse a grudge past the point of all reason. It was just how it was. He didn’t mind it. He pitied the other children who seemed to be moving in slow motion as he whipped past them.

The first time he stepped on the ice, there was no hesitation. He went straight into a glide, laughing as he did, because _finally_ his body could move as fast as the rest of him. He fell on his ass, of course. But even that satisfied him—it was as if the world had started meeting him halfway, was finally moving at his speed. He had been the odd person out his entire life, and it was because he hadn’t been whole until he started skating.

What he felt, he said. His feelings were on such a grand scale that he found it hard to have room to care about the feelings of others. Other people’s feelings seemed so muted next to the technicolor fury of his own.

And as he grew, he expanded, sucking in the world as though daring it for a fight. And he was so busy expanding that he never noticed that his mother was contracting.

It was a slow process. When he was five she would take him to the zoo. When he was six she would take him just down the street. When he was seven she stopped watching him skate. By the time he was eight she didn’t respond to most of his conversation. He didn’t even really notice. He was so full of his own feelings that he didn’t notice her having fewer and fewer, didn’t notice that if he asked her to choose something she didn’t care. She spoke less and less and deferred to him more and more. He didn’t notice that she was giving up. When he was nine she was gone.

She took his feelings with her.

For a long time after that he didn’t seem to feel anything. Not at all. It threw him off balance, physically; he found himself falling over and over in the ice rink. His coach said it was a growth spurt, but he knew the truth.

Slowly, some feelings trickled back, despite his best efforts to hold them off. He fell less. His feelings brushed against him like hopeful dogs waiting for a pat but he pushed them away. Yuri conceived a dislike of dogs—they were so _obvious_. They lacked pride. They lacked mystery. They put everything out there without asking for anything in return. They had no sense of self-preservation. That was _stupid_. That was just asking for it.

Cats, though. Cats didn’t need anyone.

Anger came back first, and strongest. Yuri Plisetsky was so fucking angry. He was eleven and standing on the street screaming obscenities into an alley. He was twelve and hunting for fights, a head shorter than his classmates but three times as dangerous. By thirteen he had no friends left. He didn’t care. He skated harder. He danced longer. He spun himself around and around in the dance studio, on the ice, until his feet bled and until the anger was numbed. He pulled off his toenails before they could fall off. He _didn’t need anyone_. He left for St. Petersburg before his grandfather could get sick of him. Fourteen and he lived in a narrow dorm room by himself, surrounded by older athletes. He ate his meals at long tables with empty chairs, headphones jammed into his ears so he didn’t have to notice the silence. He lived by himself.

Fifteen and then there was Viktor fucking Nikiforov who thought he was _so great_ and God’s gift and a living fucking legend and he couldn’t be bothered with Yuri either because why the fuck would he care about some _kid_ who couldn’t even beat a pig like Yuuri Katsuki. And Yuri was going to make him fucking care. He didn’t give a fuck if people left him. He didn’t give a fuck if they went to Japan. But nobody was going to fucking forget him again.

And maybe at first he couldn’t stand Yuuri Katsuki, couldn’t stand the way that he agreed to everything without standing up for himself. Couldn’t stand the way that he said so little sometimes. That he let himself be talked over and pushed around. That he let himself be like nothing when it was obvious that he didn’t have to be nothing. That it was a choice. A _surrender_.

Fifteen and gold at the Grand Prix. Silver at Worlds. Gold at Europeans, .8 points higher than Viktor _fucking_ Nikiforov.

Fifteen and Beka.

And some of the feelings started leaking back inside him. Excitement like a bird fluttering on his shoulder. Joy like fish nibbling on his toes. Amusement, like a cat curled up on his lap.

Sixteen and every morning he skated with Yuuri. He went to Viktor and Yuuri’s house two or three times a week. They ate together. Georgi started inviting him to movies. Most of them sucked, but Georgi always bought the popcorn. Mila took him and Yuuri shopping, then sat him down and taught him how to “never, and I mean never, Yuri, put on eye makeup like for that exhibition skate again or I will cut you.” Yuuri bought him a big furry tiger print blanket for his room. Yuuri’s mom started sending him care packages with matcha Kit Kats and little chicks stuffed with sweet bean paste.

And Beka on skype, never on a schedule, just them calling back and forth when they felt like it. It never had to be long, but it usually was. Beka’s sister leaning in, saying hi. Beka’s music playing in Yuri’s room. Happiness settled like a sated tiger, sunning itself in the newfound warmth. He put everything he had into skating and he fucking loved it.

But then there was a day when Yuuri didn’t say too much. And another day when Yuuri fell on every jump like he’d given up. A day when Yuuri did not eat; a day when he ate too much. A day when Yuri saw the small bald spot on Yuuri's leg where he had pulled out every hair. And days when he wouldn’t say what he wanted, when he couldn’t even say “I like Viktor” but had to mask it as “I like katsudon.” When, despite the ring on his finger, he seemed like he would give up and slip away.

And Yuri Plisetsky was not going to let that happen again.

 

Katsuki-yuuri: @ yuri-plisetsky [video of Yuuri dancing to a swing cover of “Wu Tang Clan Ain’t Nothing to Fuck With,” only every time the song says “tiger style” the video cuts to a clip of JJ saying “JJ style.” Halfway through the video transitions to Yuuri dancing that weird cowboy jumping dance to “Gangnam Style” instead, only every time the song says “Gangnam Style,” it cuts to “JJ Style” instead. Phichit and Leo de la Iglesia are Yuuri’s backup dancers.] @JJleroy!15 #oppanjjstyle #yuurivsyuri #gameover #jjstyleisthenewrickroll 

yuri-plisetsky: @katsuki-yuuri oh god my eyes they burn  
yuri-plisetsky: @katsuki-yuuri after everything ive done for you this is how you betray me  
phitchit+chu: @katsuki-yuuri I’ve taught you well my son #hedidntknowwhatarickrollwasuntilyesterday #cinnamonroll #toopure  
v-nikiforov: @katsuki-yuuri can I call you Oppa? (｡♥‿♥｡)  
88ParadeLION: @v-nikiforov can I call you Daddy? (｡♥‿♥｡)  
JJleroy!15: @katsuki-yuuri @y-plisetsky I _knew_ you all love me. #theking


	6. “SKATE NOW.  FUCK LATER.”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Viktor Nikoforov was _fucked out_.

[Video: Yuri watching Yuuri’s Gangnam-JJ style video with a look of dawning betrayal. “I’ve been JJ-rolled,” he says, quietly, as if he’s confessing to a fatal illness. “I’ve been JJ-rolled!”  
He throws his head back and, Shatner-style, shouts “Katsudoooooooooooooooon!” Then he glares right into the camera. “I’m coming for you. This isn’t over.”]

BuzzFeed: Five Times Yuri and Yuuri Were The Cutest Bromance:

1\. When Yuuri got Pichit Chulamont to help him start an online campaign to get Yuri a sponsorship deal with Jaguar for his seventeenth birthday:  
Katsuki-yuuri: hey @pichit-chu I know I don’t internet much, but @plisetsky-yuri likes big cats and I cannot lie. How can we set him up with @jaguar?  
[picture: print ad of Yuri Plisetsky in a suit, leaning against the hood of a Jag]  
  
2\. When Yuri helped Yuuri set up a scavenger hunt for Pichit’s birthday while they were all at a skating competition in Rome.  
[picture: Yuri pulling a face in front of the Trevi Fountain, with Yuuri visible climbing into it in the background]  
Pichit-chu: In Rome with @Katsuki-yuuri! Best birthday ever! #21 #bff #dontswiminfountainstho #thatshitsgross  
  
3\. All of Viktor Nikiforov’s tweets about Yuuri being Yuri’s “dad.”  
**v-nikoforov** : [picture of frowning Yuuri pointing to the time on his cell phone] @plisetsky-yuri: your dad says you’re up too late #weareuplatetoo #youcanguesswhy #viktuuri  
**plisetsky-yuri** : @v-nikoforov ugh shut up old man  
**v-nikoforov** : [picture of Yuuri holding up asparagus] @plisetsky-yuri your dad says to stop eating the crap food you’re instagramming. You’re welcome for convincing him to not use an eggplant in this picture. #yuuriseggplant  
**plisetsky-yuri** : @v-nikoforov but then you ruined it by talking about eggplants. SHUT UP OLD MAN  
**v-nikoforov** : [picture of Yuuri shivering in the St. Petersburg winter] @plisetsky-yuri did you steal your dad’s scarf again? His new gold medal isn’t enough to keep him warm #podiumfamily #silversprettygoodtoo #ohrightthatwasme  
**plisetsky-yuri** : @v-nikoforov FUCK YOU ALL MY GOLD MEDALS KEEP ME WARM  
**v-nikoforov** : [picture of Yuuri looking pensive] @plisetsky-yuri your dad says remember to do your homework #actuallyhejustlookedcuteandiwantedtoshare #vikturri #truelove #asyouwish  
**plisetsky-yuri** : @v-nikoforov HE’S NOT MY DAD  
**v-nikoforov** : [picture of Yuuri working out] @plisetsky-yuri <3 <3 <3 your dad is really hot #dilf  
**plisetsky-yuri** : @v-nikoforov you’re the literal worst.  
**v-nikoforov** : [picture of Viktor smirking and holding up a string of condom packets] @plisetsky-yuri your dad wants to know if I need to give you “the talk”  
**plisetsky-yuri** : @v-nikoforov NOT NOW NOT EVER I HATE YOU  
  
4\. All the times Yuri Plisetsky posted super cute pictures of Viktor and Yuuri and called them gross but then kept posting them.  
**plisetsky-yuri** : [picture of Viktor and Yuuri kissing in front of a streetlamp while snow comes down around them] @v-nikoforov @katsuki-yuuri GET A ROOM ALREADY  
**plisetsky-yuri** : [picture of Viktor and Yuuri holding hands as they walk down the street] @v-nikoforov @katsuki-yuuri ugh so gross  
**plisetsky-yuri** : [picture of Viktor’s hand on Yuuri’s back as they stand close to each other in the ice rink. Viktor is looking down at Yuuri with an obscenely besotted look on his face] @v-nikoforov @katsuki-yuuri old people in love gag me  
**plisetsky-yuri** : [picture of Yuuri in ballet clothes, one leg on the barre, leaned over and totally oblivious, and Viktor behind him gaping at Yuuri’s butt] @v-nikoforov @katsuki-yuuri ugh this is what I put up with every day  
**plisetsky-yuri** : [video of Yuuri leaning into Viktor and whispering “I love you,” and Viktor kissing Yuuri in return] @v-nikoforov @katsuki-yuuri god it’s like watching your parents make out  
  
5\. And number 1 is all the times Viktor posted pictures of Yuuri doing Yuri’s hair before skating competitions, and everyone thought it was so cute of Yuuri to be supportive of Yuri like that. . . until we realized it sometimes happened after Yuri skated but only before Yuuri did. And that Yuuri always looked calmer after he finished. And that Yuri’s hair always looked great.  


The thing was, Viktor had never been in love before, and he’d been waiting a really long fucking time to try every possible thing he could think of. Sex, yes, sure. Sex was great. The sex was amazing. But he’d had sex before. He’d never had Yuuri.  
And he wanted to Do All the Love Things. He wanted to hold hands everywhere they walked. He wanted to sit and stare at Yuuri over coffee, to watch him sleep, to never be farther than two steps away from him.  
Yuuri, on the other hand, had only a handful of short encounters that he hadn’t been quite sure if counted as sex or not. When he told Viktor about it, he characterized those experiences as experiments, and somewhat failed ones, where he had gone a bit past his comfort level in the name of trying to figure out what the hype was. “I’ve always had a high sex drive,” he admitted, “but it’s never really been aimed at other people.” Until Viktor. And it was aimed at him all the time. Yuuri, in short, was down to fuck. In every way possible.  
Viktor Nikoforov was _fucked out_.  
“You don’t understand,” he tells Chris over the phone as he walks down the sidewalk. “My whole body hurts. My abs have never been in this good shape. My ass is. . . _it feels different_. I feel like I’m living that Ariana Grande song. I’ve had to buy multiple new sets of sheets. I feel like I’ve been gangbanged, but it’s only by one person.”  
The woman next to him stares. He smiles politely. She winks.  
Chris sounds like he’s about to hurt himself laughing. “You’re living the dream, Nikiforov.”  
“My skin feels like I’ve been lightly sanded. On every part of my body.”  
“Does Yuuri have _stubble_?” Chris asks. “I’ve never seen it.”  
“He pulls my hair so much I think I might have a bald spot.”  
“That was already there.”  
Viktor whines. “I’ve had to start an increased vitamin regime. I’ve upped my protein.”  
“I can’t believe I missed my chance at that,” Chris says, his voice wondering. “I was single the first time I met him. We could have been amazing.”  
Viktor huffs, not amused. “You had no chance.”  
He can _hear_ Chris draw himself up taller. “Have you met me? I have a chance at _everyone_.”  
He lets himself into the ice rink. “You’re not taking this seriously.”  
“Maybe not, but it sounds like you’re seriously taking it.”  
“What do I doooooooo?”  
“You do Yuuri!”  
“I might literally die from it.”  
“You’ve got five world championship medals. You’ve had a good life.”  
“But sometimes I just want to cuddle!”  
“Have you told him that? Do you ever say, hey, my pork cutlet of love, I’m sore, let’s hold off?”  
Viktor thinks of how it feels when Yuuri touches him and his breath shudders out of his body. “No. I never want to at the time. It’s only afterwards.”  
“So tell him afterwards! That was great, I’m sore, let’s just cuddle for the next couple days.”  
“You would think it would be _boring_ , to have someone spend an hour just stroking your neck.”  
“Nah, I subscribe to Neckz & Throatz. I get it.”  
“He made me come from _sucking my elbow_.”  
“Okay, that is new.”  
“He’s got big dick energy.”  
“ _Viktor_.”  
“By which I mean his dick is—”  
“Yeah, I got that.”  
“He’s a sinnamon roll.”  
“Viktor, how can I _hear_ that you spelled that with an S?”  
“Have you _seen_ him, Chris? Have you even seen him?”  
“I have seen him. I have even seen him mostly naked and on a pole.”  
Viktor meeps.  
“Look, Viktor, this will _fade_. This will die down and become reasonable. Your brain will stop making so much dopamine and make more oxytocin soon.”  
“It’s not the dopamine I’m worried about. It’s the testosterone. Why did I ever think it was a good idea to try to make him _more_ eros?” He sits down on the bench in the locker room, then shifts uncomfortably, because he’s _sore_ , okay? Again. “I’m looking forward to wanting to fuck him less. What the hell, Chris.”  
“Viktor.”  
“Chris.”  
“It’s ok. It’s ok. The only thing you should be doing differently is communicating better. Too much sex is a temporary problem, but too little communication isn’t. He might feel exactly the same way.”  
“Chris, the boy has _stamina_.” He leans back, banging his head against the locker a few times to see if it helps. It does not, but he notices the soreness in his ass again. “What if I can’t keep up with him? It would take a whole fucking hockey team to wear him out. Now that he’s had a taste of the big city sausage, how do I keep him on only my farm?”  
And this is something that he’s seriously kind of worried about, but Chris just starts laughing again and after a few minutes Viktor hangs up on him. Besides, Yuuri keeps _biting_ his earlobes and holding the phone to them is getting uncomfortable.  
Oh, God, he has to say something.  
Weeks go by. He does not say anything.  
Yakov does.

It is, hands down, the most awkward conversation that Viktor has ever been part of. Yakov calls them into his office and stares at them for five minutes before abruptly pushing his chair back and extracting a bottle of whiskey from a file cabinet. He pours himself a generous tumblerfull, slams it down, then looks back at them. “You’re engaged, da?”  
“Yes,” Viktor says, not sure where this is going.  
“You’re almost thirty, and Yuuri’s twenty-something. You have a limited time left to skate. Both of you. And decades of life after that. And yet Yuuri is shying away from turns this morning and Viktor, you look like you’re about to drop dead.”  
Yuuri looks over at Viktor like he’s looking for a translation. Viktor stretches out an empty hand in a gesture of non-comprehension.  
“SKATE NOW. FUCK LATER.”  
Viktor's hand jerks closed. The hot red blush that shoots up Yuuri’s neck to his face is like something out of a cartoon.  
“Do I need to say more?” Yakov asks.  
“You really, really don’t,” Viktor says.  
“Good. Let us never talk of this again.” Yakov refills his drink, then takes it and walks out, shutting the door behind him.  
Yuuri has buried his head in his hands. “That did not just happen.”  
Viktor snorts, then throws his head back and laughs. In retrospect, he acknowledges later, that was his first mistake in the conversation that followed. Not his worst, mind you. The worst was admitting that he’d talked to Chris about it weeks before. Though mentioning the word “incubus” got an honorable mention.  
Everything has always come easy to Viktor Nikiforov. That doesn’t mean he hasn’t worked his ass off, because he has. But he’s always known what he wants to do, and what steps he needs to take to get there.  
He’s never wanted anything this much before, though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a pair of socks with Viktor on them and a pair with Yuuri and I never wear them as a pair. I wear one Viktor and one Yuuri. And it doesn't matter that they're not a pair, because they're sole mates.


End file.
